


Jarvis’ Mistake

by w_x_2



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Merry Month of Masturbation Challenge, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-07
Updated: 2013-05-07
Packaged: 2017-12-10 19:24:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/789263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/w_x_2/pseuds/w_x_2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Jarvis does his job just a little bit too well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jarvis’ Mistake

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Not my characters, no harm intended, no profit made.  
> A/N: For the 7th day of [mmom](http://mmom.livejournal.com/) 2013.

“Jarvis,” Tony called. “Is that the Hulk I hear?”  
  
“I’m sorry, Sir,” Jarvis replied and Tony noted that his voice sounded hesitant.  
  
Jarvis had been sentient and essentially autonomous for some time now, expressing his views and displaying his character and attitude freely except for when the occasion required him to be professional –‘ _just_  a computer’ to people like Fury– but he had never apologized which could mean only one thing. Something was tremendously wrong.  
  
“What do you mean you are sorry?” Tony questioned as he swiftly got up from his desk to make his way towards his suit, unwilling to wait for an actual response as he could hear the constant roar coming from so, so many floors up.  
  
“I’m afraid this is actually my fault,” Jarvis replied. His voice was breaking up in places which meant that not only was he speaking to someone else besides Tony but most of his attention was focused there too.  
  
“Why do you think that?” Tony asked as he made quick work of suiting up.  
  
“I-” Jarvis begun, “ah, well, that is,” but didn’t go much further as he trailed off.  
  
“Jarvis, I realize that the present time might not be the best time to discuss this, how about you show me where the Hulk is?” The Big Guy’s location came up on a map of the Stark Tower – which in the future could possibly become the Avengers Tower if anyone else besides Bruce decided to move in – in front of his eyes as the last part of the suit, the helmet, clicked shut. A door opened in his garage to let him outside and Tony flied up to the floor in which Dr. Banner resided.  
  
He asked Jarvis to slide one of the windows open so he could step inside. The AI took a few more seconds than usual to respond, and Tony understood why once he entered Bruce’s floor. Jarvis’ voice was coming from the room’s speakers in what seemed to be a quite agitated tone, “I am so sorry Dr. Banner, please Mr. Hulk, please let me talk to the Doctor.”  
  
Tony took in the scene before him, the open space of Banner’s floor which consisted of a bedroom sectioned with drapes, the kitchenette area and a wide sitting area which all seemed to be intact. The Hulk was standing in the sitting area moving all the furniture away from the walls, but not actually destroying anything.  
  
“Jarvis,” Tony called but Jarvis’ rambling didn’t stop.  
  
“I can- I can build a room you can smash, but please don’t smash Dr. Banner’s things, he would not be pleased and it would make him sad because of all the progress you two have been making, and- and. A room just for you, I’m sure that would be good. Two days maximum for it to be ready if you wish it, we can talk with Dr. Banner so that you can come out regularly and go in there if you like. Please, Mr. Hulk.”  
  
Hulk roared in response, not even paying attention to Tony as he walked further into the open space, but instead roared at the walls.  
  
Tony looked on in confusion but only for a second, the Hulk wasn’t roaring at the walls exactly, he was roaring at Jarvis.  
  
“Jarvis, don’t you think that if you were the catalyst of this it might be prudent for you to shut up?” Tony made sure there was an intonation on the last two words and that his own suit’s speakers weren’t on so that the Hulk couldn’t hear him.  
  
“Sir,” Jarvis replied through the speakers inside the suit, and thankfully, the AI actually stopped speaking.  
  
“Hey, Big Guy,” Tony greeted once his helmet had been slid back, hands up by his sides with the thrusters facing away from the Hulk so that he didn’t look like an active threat.  
  
The Hulk turned his face towards him, and it was clear he was angry but at least there was no roaring. “Metal man,” Hulk replied in a gruff tone.  
  
“How are you feeling buddy?” Tony said as he let a genuine smile take over his facial features.  
  
“No smash,” Hulk said in what Tony could only interpret as ‘there’s nothing to smash’.  
  
“Yeah, sorry buddy.” And then, because the Hulk is one of them, an Avenger and he doesn’t seem to pose a threat for Tony at the moment, “Would you like to spar with me for a few rounds?” They’ll definitely have to find a more suitable place but why the hell not.  
  
“No,” Hulk answers with a final tone. And yeah, that’s good too, it’ll be better when they actually have an easily accessible, suitable place. Tony makes a mental note to check the plans that Jarvis is probably well on the way to designing for the Hulk’s room.  
  
“What can I do for you, Big Guy?”  
  
Hulk looks at him for a few moments without saying anything, and then looks towards the bed which can be seen through the partially open drapes. Bruce’s  _broken_  bed, Tony notices.  
  
“Bed,” the Hulk demands as he walks into the middle of the room.  
  
“Yeah, I can do that buddy, anything else?”  
  
The Hulk gives him a small head shake before he sits down on the floor with his legs crossed. Tony watches Hulk adjust his feet so that they are placed on their opposing thighs before placing his open hands at the edges of his knees and closing his eyes. Tony begins to wonder as to when the Hulk could have learnt to do the Lotus position, before something else takes his attention.  
  
The Hulk opens one eye and says one word, “kitty.” Which obviously leaves Tony flabbergasted.  
  
As if that wasn’t enough Tony watches before his eyes as the green guy closes his eye once more, breathes deeply for a few seconds, and then slowly starts to decrease in body mass which also slowly loses its green tint.  
  
Before long Bruce is standing in front of him and Tony still hasn’t moved because of how shocked he is. Sure, he’s seen Bruce turn into Hulk within a very short space of time, but he’s never seen it happen the other way around. He had no idea that it could be done so calmly. As Jarvis’ earlier words replay in his mind, it clicks that Bruce and the other guy have obviously been working through their relationship quite well, and obviously made a lot of progress. Before he can filter his thoughts, Bruce opens his eyes and those words come tumbling out of his mouth.  
  
“It worked?” Bruce questions with a smile as he looks at his position.  
  
“Dr. Banner, I profusely apologize for my actions, I hope you understand that I was just trying to warn you that you were walking a very fine line betwee-”  
  
“Jarvis,” Bruce interrupts as he looks at Tony. “I would really rather have this conversation in private.”  
  
“Sorry, Sir,” Jarvis instantly apologizes.  
  
“And please stop calling me ‘Sir’,” Bruce requests.  
  
“Most certainly, Dr. Banner,” Jarvis says as a departing note while Bruce rolls his eyes at the formality.  
  
“Wanna tell me what’s going on?” Tony asks as he looks down at Banner, hands by his sides.  
  
“Funny story,” Bruce says but he’s not laughing, nor even smiling. He gets up slowly and turns around, bottom covered by the new expanding and shrinking shorts. He seems to spot his bed as he sheepishly says, “Sorry.”  
  
“Nonsense, I’ll make one that can withstand the Hulk’s weight and is appropriate for his size,” Tony guarantees. “Should’ve really thought of that before you moved in.” Tony’s eyes squint for a moment as a thought comes to his mind. It’s been four months since Bruce moved in, and it’s actually quite a surprise that he hasn’t had to replace anything of Bruce’s before.  
  
“Can I pay for it?” Bruce asks.  
  
Tony starts to scoff but then thinks better, “Yes, you can have a look at project BL22-8. You’ll enjoy it,” Tony assures. “I can see that you have tried to deflect the question. What happened? Jarvis tells me this is his fault?” And he’s not turning on Jarvis, but he needs to know if he needs to make any upgrades or check if Jarvis has been compromised.  
  
“What?” Bruce squeaks. “No, no,” the scientist shakes his head from side to side rather fast. “He was doing his job. He’s fine,” Bruce hastens to clarify.  
  
Tony looks at him expectantly when the man doesn’t say anything else.  
  
Bruce exhales loudly, “He just did his job a little bit too well.” Bruce walks towards the kitchen area, heading for the fridge.  
  
“A little bit? You turned into the other guy in case you didn’t notice.” Tony paces after Bruce, determined not to let him get away. “Oh, and by the way,” Tony says as though just remembering, “Hulk didn’t seem happy with Jarvis at all.”  
  
“He caught me by surprise,” Bruce mumbles as he grabs a juice carton from the fridge.  
  
“You’re always in control, so you’ve said in the past,” Tony reminds him even though he doubts it has slipped Bruce’s mind.  
  
“Yes, well. I was-” he trails off. “Wait, the Hulk wasn’t happy with Jarvis?”  
  
Tony arches an eyebrow but lets it go for the moment. “He was growling at the walls, ie. Jarvis.”  
  
“Oh.” Bruce pours himself a drink and offers some to Tony but he declines.  
  
“Jarvis promised that he would build him a room he could smash,” Tony informs, trying to get the severity of the situation across.  
  
But Bruce obviously ignores it, “I, ah, thanks Jarvis.”  
  
“It’s no trouble for what I did, Si-Dr. Banner,” Jarvis corrects himself.  
  
Tony is determined to get the conversation back on track, and there’s a last card he can play which will throw the doctor for a spin without a doubt, “He asked for a kitty.”  
  
“Oh God,” Bruce’s eyes widen and his mouth opens and closes several times.  
  
Tony looks at him pointedly, “What did Jarvis interrupt?”  
  
“Tony,” the doctor huffs. And is that a small shade of pink Tony can see forming?  
  
“Bruce,” Tony replies.  
  
“I’m sure you can guess, Tony.”  
  
Tony only inclines his head forward, waiting for an answer.  
  
“I was letting off steam,” Bruce finally mutters.  
  
“You were wanking?” Tony asks with a smirk.  
  
Bruce glares at him and Tony rolls his eyes.  
  
“Jarvis,” Tony calls but doesn’t give him a chance to answer, “We’ve talked about  _private_  time,” he singsongs.  
  
“I know, Sir,” Jarvis assents. “However, I thought it was necessary to suggest to Dr. Banner that he cease his activities as he had many of the indicators he has when he is about to turn into the Hulk, including green eyes an-”  
  
“I was in control, Jarvis,” Bruce informs.  
  
“I’m sorry, Dr. Banner, next time I will know not to disrupt you.”  
  
Tony looks at Bruce suspiciously before he asks, “Why hasn’t Jarvis acquired this data before?”


End file.
